FHE;,yCHS ACTISC EDITION. No. 2459. 



6023 
;15 Q2 

115 

►py 1 



"Q" 



PLAYF.D BY 




> ( 



CHARLES HAWTREY 



Sixpence 
AM.A.TEUR FEE, ONE GUISEA EACH REPRESENTATION. 



BETWEEN THE SOI 
AND THE 5AV0UR\ 

By 

GERTRUDE JENNINGS. 



Originally produced at the Playhotwo, London, ur 
the management of Mr. Cyril Maude and the directio 
the Author, on Ctotober 19, 1910. 

Th» Cook (Maria) . . Alisa Margaret Mun 

Tub Pabloubmaid (Ada) . Mis9 Maud* Buchanan, 
Turn KiTCHBioiAm (Emily) . Miaa Elhti Ross. 

SoBWB. — r/i« Kitchen, 

TiMB. — Evening, during the serving of dinner. 



One Act, 
Price 6d. 



30 minutes 
in represen- 
tation. 



One Scene. 



Fee 
One Qui' 



1 



"Q" 

A FARCE IN ONE ACT 



^5 



"Q 

A FARCE IN ONE ACT 



C>*)cS 



By 



STEPHEN LEACOCK and 
BASIL MACDONALD HASTINGS J 



Copyright. 191 5, by Samuel French, Limited 

Entered at the Library of Congress, Washingtom, 
U.S.A. 



New York 

SAMUEL FRENXH 

Publisher 

28-30, WEST 38TH STREET 



VLONDON 

SAMUEL FRENCH. Ltd 

26. Southampton Street 

STRAND 



>'^ 






OTHER PLAYS BY BASIL MACDONALD HASTINGS 

The New Sin. 

Love — and What Then ? 

The Tide. 

Advertisement. 

The Angel in the House. 

{with Eden Pkillpotts). 

Price IS. i^et paper ; 25. net cloth. 

" Q," the story on which this play is founded, may be 
found in Mr. Stephen Leacock's Nonsense Novels^ published 
by Mr. John Lane, The Bodley Head, Vigo Street, W. 



^CI.D 4 2 75S 



JAN 14 1916 "^ 



CHARACTERS 

Jack Anneri-y — an amateur. 
George Gnoof — a spiritualist. 
Blight — a butler. 
Dora Dnieper — a revue girl. 



The Fee for each and every representation of this play by 
Amateurs is One Guinea, payable in advance to — 

Messrs. Samuel French, Ltd., 

26, Southampton Street, 

Strand, London, 

or their authorized representatives. 

No performance may be given unless a written permission 
has first been obtained. 

All the costumes, wigs and properties used in the per- 
formance of plays contained in French's list may be hired or 
purchased reasonably from Messrs. Charles H, Fox, Ltd., 
27, WeUington St., Strand, London. 



This play was first performed al the London Coliseum on 
November 29, 1915, with the following cast : — 



Jack Annerly . 

George Gnoof . 

Blight 

Dora Dnieper . 

The play produced by Mr 



, My. Charles Hawtrey. 

. Mr. Miles Malleson. 

. Mr. E. W. Tarver. 

. Miss Mona Harrison. 

Charles Hawtrey. 




±o 




A PSYCHIC PSTORV OF THE PSUPER- 
NATURAL 

The scene is the sitting-room of Jack Annerly's 
chambers. It is smartly furnished, the essentials 
being doors r. and l.c, table c. ivith chairs to r. 
and L. of it, and a large screen up r. against wall. 
When the curtain rises Blight, the butler, backs into 
the room from the door l.c. followed by Dora Dnieper. 
Blight is a grave, side-whiskered person, DoR.i 
vivacious and very prettily dressed. 

Dora {as she enters). I don't care twopence what 
you say, Blip;ht. I must see him to-night. 

Blight. He'll never forgive me. 

Dora {seating herself R. of table c). Look here. 
Blight. Jack Anncrly owes me /50 ! 

Blight. Owes it to you ! 

DoR.v. Well, he promised me it. And — as usual — 
I spent it before I got it. Now to-night I want /50 
badly. All I've got in the world is ^d. {She connts 
the coppers in her bag.) The landlord of my flat has 
got to have £50 by twelve o'clock to-night or my 
furniture goes into the street. 

Blight. Thcv all sav that, miss. 

Dora. What! 

Blight. Er — ahem ! — I beg your pardon. Of 
course not. But really I dont think you'll get your 
£50, miss. And you'll get me into awful trouble 
for letting you in. Good lord, there's his latchkey. 
Whatever shall I do ? j 



10 "Q." 

Dora. Leave it to me, Blight. You won't get 
blamed. I'll hide behind this screen and you must 
pretend that you know nothing about me. 

{Dora hides behind screen up r. Enter Jack Annerly 
L.c. He is in evening dress, overcoat and silk hat. 
In his hand he has a letter which he Jias just picked 
up on the mat and opened.) 

Annerly. Blight, can you lend me £50 ? 

Blight. No, sir. 

Annerly. If I don't find £50 by twelve o'clock 
my furniture will be turned into the street. And all I 
have at the moment is 4^. 

{He counts coppers in his pocket.) 

Blight. Dear m.e, sir. 

Annerly. Yes, Blight, 4d. I've got to raise 
£49 19s. M. in a hurry — or my furniture goes for good. 
My furniture. That includes your bed. 

Blight {helping Annerly off i&ith his coat). I 
suppose it does, sir. 

Annerly. Haven't you really got any money ? 
What about ^-our wages. I always pay them. 

Blight. Yes, sir. But you always borrow them 
back again. 

Annerly. True. The world is black to-night, 
Blight. I might get Dora Dnieper to let me have her 
spare room, but the little cat's in the same predica- 
ment. I believe she gets thrown into the street to- 
morrow as well. 

{There is a ring at the front door bell.) 

[Bligrt goes of l.c. Annerly goes to table above door 
R. takes cigarette and lights it. Dora comes out 
quietly from behind screen. Blight returns.) 

Blight {wavi^ig Dora back). It is the gentleman 
from the floor below, Mr. George Gnccf, sir. 
Annerly. That bore. 



"Q." 11 

Blight. He is a govcnimcnt servant and a spirit- 
ualist, Sir. 

Annerlv. a spiritualist ! Do you tbiak he's got 
any money ? 

Blight. At least £1,200 a year Chief Inspector 
of Returned Empties, sir. 

ASwiiRLV. Ah, show him in, Blight. A spiritu- 
alist, eh ? 

(Blight shows in Mr. George Gnoof, a low-browed, 
chinlcss, idioUc-looking icU >u), zc^earitig glasses and 
rei slippers) 

GxooF {gushingly). Ah, my deor Annerl}- ! I 
heard you pass my floor and I thought I would take 
the liberty of inviting myself io smoke a' pipe with 
you. {He ca-rie3 a large calabash pipe.) ■ 

Annerly. My dear Gnoof — in fact I will say my 
dear George, you are most welcome. You come 
most opportunely. I wisli to consult ycu. Take a 
seat. 

Gnoof {silling l. of lahlc c). This is indeed an 
honour. 

Anxerly. Not at all. Blight, leave us. And on 
no account disturb us for at least half an hour. I 
wish for a peaceful communion of tliought with Mr. 
Gnoof. 

Gnoof. Tliis is most flattering. 

{Exit Blight l.c.) 

Annerly {silling r. of table). Listen, George. 
You arc a spiritualist. 

Gnoof. A humble votary, shaU I say. I certainly 
pay my subscription to an occult magazine. 

Annerly. That is v.h.y I wish to consult you. 
Now first of all is your mind perfectly composed ? 

Gnoof. I tliink I may say, my dear Annerly, that 
it is. 

Annerley. Good. I have your attention ! . . . 
Last night — I saw — Q. 



12 "Q." 

Gnoof. Indeed. 

Annerly. Yes, I saw 0. 

Gnoof. Not, of course, a billiard cue ? 

Annerly. No, no. 0. The — er — somethingth 
letter of the alphabet. 

Gnoof. I know. I know. A round O with a 
wiggle on it. 

Annerly. Precisely. But as 3'ou have already 
guessed I use merel}' as a symbol for a personality. 

Gnoof. Quite so. 

Annerly. Now, my dear George, you believe in 
the supernatural. You believe in phantasm.s of the 
dead ? 

Gnoof. Phantasms ? 

Annerly. Yes. Phantasms. Or, if you prefer 
the word, phanograms, or say if you will phano- 
grammatical manifestations, or more simply psycho- 
phantasmal phenomena. Well, last night I saw the 
phanogram of 0. 

Gnoof. Good gracious ! 

Annerly. Yes. I saw Q as plainly as if he were 
standing here. But perhaps {rising and pacing the 
room.) I had better tell you something of my past 
relationship with O and 3'ou will understand exactly 
what the present situation is. When I first knew Q — 
don't you think 3'ou ought to take notes ? 

{He is now above fable c.) 

Gnoof. Indeed, yes. A mcst valuable suggestion. 
{He produces notebook and pencil and puis down all 
that Annerly says in shorthand.) 

Annerly. When first I knew O he lived not very 
far from a small town which I will call X (Gnoof 
makes a note) and was betrothed to a beautiful and 
accom.plishcd girl whom I will call M. 

Gnoof. One moment. I strongly suspect that 
Q and M are not the real names of your acquaintances, 
but are in reality two letters of the alphabet selected 



•Q." 13 

almost at random to disguise the names of your 
riends. 

Anni:rlv. You liave guessed correctly. When Q 
and I 

Gnoof {puzzled). 1 ? 

Annerly. Yes, I. Me. Myself. 

Gnoof. Of course. 

AxxLRLV. When O and 1 hrst became friends he 
had a favou.rite dog which if necessary I might name 
Z (Gxoor makes a note) and which followed him in 
and out of X on his daily walk. 

GxooF. In and out of X ! 

Anxerly. Yes. In and out. 

GxooF. This is really very extraordinary. That 
Z should have followed Q out of X, I can readily 
understand, but that he should first have followed 
him in seems to pass the bounds of comprehension. 

AxXFRLY (s////;?f' on hack of (able). My dear friend, 
1 can sympathize with you in your bewilderment, 
but that is not the most extraordinary part of the 
stor\-. O and Miss — {/le pauses io glance at Gxoof's 
notebook) — Miss M were to be married. Everything 
was arranged. The wedding was to take place on 
the last day of the year. Exactly six months and 
four days before the appointed day — I remember the 
date because the coincidence struck me as peculiar 
at the time — came to me late in the evening in great 
distress. He had just had, he said, a premonition 
of his own death. {Comes down R.) Tliat evening 
while sitting with Miss M on the verandali of her 
house he had distinctly seen a projection of the dog 
R pass along the road. 

GxoOF. One moment. Did you not say that the 
dog's name was Z ? 

Axxi-RLV (jroii'ning). Quite so. Z, or more 
correctly Z R. since O was in tlio hal)il, pirliaps from 
motives of affection, of calling him R as well as Z. 
Well then, the projection or phanogram of the dog 
passed in front of them so plainly that Miss M swore 



14 "Q." 

that she could have beheved that it was the dog 
himself. Opposite the house, the phantasm stopped 
for a moment and \^•agged its tail. {He laag.i his 
fingey.) Then it passed on and quite suddenly dis- 
appeared around the corner of a stone v/all as if 
hidden by the bricks. What made the thing still 
more mysterious was that Miss M's mother who is 
partially blind had only partially seen the dog. 

Gnoof {repeating and writing). " — had only 
partially seen the dog." Yes ? 

Annerly {moving tip stage). Tliis singular coin- 
cidence was interpreted by O no doubt correctly, to 
indicate his own approaching death. I diti wh.at I 
could to remove this feeling, but it was impossible 
to do so, and he presently wrung my hand and left me 
firmly convinced that he would not live till morning. 
{Sits R. of table c.) 

Gnoof. Good Heavens ! And he died that night ? 

Annerly. No. He did not. That is the inex- 
plicable part of it. 

Gnoof {sympathetically). Tell me about it. 

Annerly. He rose that morning as usual, dressed 
himself with his customary care, omitting none of his 
clothes — ^make a note of that ! — and" walked down 
to his office at the usual hour. He told me afterwards 
that he remembeed the circumstances so clearly 
from the fact that he had gone to the office by the 
usual route instead of taking any other direction. 

Gnoof. Stop a moment. Did anything unusual 
happen to mark that particular day ? 

Annerly. I anticipated that you would ask 
that question, but as far as I can gather absolutely 
nothing happened. 

Gnoof {breathless with excitement). And did he 
die the next night ? 

Annerly. No, he did not. 

Gnoof {after a pause). Mv dear Annerly, our 
relations, of course, have hitherto only been of a 
formal character, and I must not assume too great 



"Q." 15 

an intimacy, but you can imagine how eager I am to 
hear the rest of this astounding narrative. 

Annerly. You shaH. O went to his office each 
day after that with absohite regularity. He saw 
Miss M regularly and the time fixed for their marriage 
drew nearer each day. 

GxooF. Each day ? 

Anxerly. Yes, every day. Ft)r ; ome time before 
his marriage I saw but little of him, but two weeks 
before that event I passed O one day in the street. 
He setmed for a moment about to stop, then he 
raised his hat, smiled and passed on. 

(iXOOF. One moment. If you will allow me a 
question that seems of importance, did he pass on, 
and then smile and raise his hat, or did he smile in 
liis hat, raise it and then pass on afterwards? 

AxxERLY {rising and moving down r.). Your 
question is quite justified, though I think I can answer 
with perfect accuracy that he first smiled {he smiles), 
then stopped smiling {he also stops), and raised his 
hat {he lifts his hand), and then stopped raising his 
hat (At' loiicfs his hand) and passed en. {He crosses l.) 

GxooF. Gocd. {He jols it doiin.) 

Annerly. However, the essential fact is this. 
On the day appointed for the wedding, O.and Miss 
M were duly married. {He is now just h^of GxooF.) 

GsooF {gasping). Impossible. Duly married, both 
of them ! 

AxNERF.v. Yes. Both r-t th.e s:nre tim.e. After 
the wedding Mr. and Mrs. O 

GxooF {perplexed). Mr. and Mis. ? 

AxxKRi.v. Yes. Mr. and Mrs. 0, h r after the 
wedding Miss M took the name of C), left England and 
went out to Australia, where they were to reside. 
Then, until last night {he crosses R.) I heard nothing 
whatever of Q for a year and a half. 

GxuoF {trembling with excitement). And last 
night ? 

AxxERLV {very quietly). Last night O appeared 



16 "Q." 

in this room, or rather a phantasm or psychic mani- 
festation of him. He seemed in great distress, made 
gestures which I could not understand and kept turn- 
ing his trouser pockets inside out. 

Gnoof {who has his pencil sticking out of his month). 
His trouser pockets ? 

Annerly. Yes, hke this. {He illustrates the 
behaviour of Q in the matter of the trouser pockets.) 
I was too spellbound to question him and tried in 
vain to divine his meaning. Presently the phantasm 
seized a pencil from the table — {He snatches the 
pencil from Gnoof's mouth) — and wrote the words 
" forty-nine pounds, nineteen shillings and eightpence 
to-morrow night, urgent." {He ivrites this on table.) 

Gnoof {rising, walking round to back of table and 
scrutinizing the inscription). How do you interpret 
the meaning which Q's phanogram meant to convey ? 

Annerly. I think it m.eans this. Q, wlio is 
evidently dead, meant to visualize that fact, meant 
so to speak to deatomize the idea that he was de- 
monetized. 

Gnoof. Demonetized ? {They are side by side 
behind table.) 

Annerly. Yes, stony. Suffering from cramp in t he 
kick. 

Gnoof. Cramp in the kick ? What on earth is 
that ? 

Annerly {pettishly). Oh, it means broke to the 
wide. {He moves r.). You really ought to go out 
more. ... Q is evidently in urgent need of the 
sum of forty-nine pounds nineteen shillings and 
eightpence. 

Gnoof. And how do you intend to get it to him ? 

Annerly. Ah ! ... I intend to try a bold and 
daring experiment, which, if it succeeds, will bring 
us into immediate connexion with the world of 
spirits. My plan is to leave the money here upon 
the edge of the table. Then, if after the necessary 
ritual has been observed it has gone, I shall know that 



"Q." 17 

Q has contrived to deastralize himself and lias taken 
the money. The only question is do you happen to 
have forty-nine pounds, ninteeen and eightpence 
about you ? I myself, unfortunately, have nothing 
but small change. 

GxooF. My dear Annerly, by a piece of rare good 
fortunte I happen to-day to have drawn my month's 
salary. Here it is, a hundred pounds in notes. 

Ann'ERLY {to himself). Splendid ! . . . . Now 
let us place fifty pounds of them on the edge of the 
table. It is fourpence more tlian wants but I 
dare say he'll find some use for it, especially in a world 
of spirits. Now I want you to follow my instruc- 
tions implicitly. First of all we place the table in 
the middle of the room. It is already there. The 
chairb — {he picks up chair R. of table and Gnoof picks 
up that on l.) — must be carefully set against the wall 
and so placed that no two of them occupy the same 
place as any other two. [They place the Iwo chairs 
against back i.all.) The pictures and ornaments 
about the room are to be left entirely undisturbed. 
The waste paper basket (Gnoof dives under the table 
after the basket) p.uist be reversed so that its contents, 
if any. rest on the floor of the room instead of the 
wicker base of the basket. (Gnoof reverses the 
waste paper basket.) Good ! The ritual also pre- 
scribes that one of the participating parties shall 
take oft his boots. 

Gnoof {climbing out from under the table). Oh, 
may I ? 

Annerly. Yes, 1 thought of you. 

Gnoof {as he takes off his slippers). I must admit 
to you, my dear Annerly, that I am not without mis- 
givings about the success of the experiment. {He is 
kneeling with his arms resting on l. of table.) My own 
mental temperament and disposition may not be of 
the precise kind necessary for its success. 

Annerly {standing above table). My dear friend, 
pray have no alarm on that score. I am sure that 



18 "Q" 

the event will show that for psychic v/ork of this 
character your mind is a media — {he puis a finger on 
Gnoof's joreliead) — or if the word is better, a trans- 
parency of the very first order. 

Gnoof {beaming with delight). Do you really 
think so ? 

Annerly. I do. Now it only remains for us to 
bind up our eyes and await the advent of Q in the 
adjoining rooms. According to the ritual sixty 
seconds is ample time for the spirit to manifest itself 
and you had better count the seconds on 3'our side, 
noiselessly of course, until you reach sixty. You 
will wait in that room {indicating right) and I in the 
hall {indicating l.c). There are no other means 
of access to the room so that if the money goes we 
shall know that it has safely reached Q. Now before 
we put on the eye-bandages kindly perform these 
psychic exercises wth me. {He proceeds to make 
ridiculous wavings in the air with his hands, all of 
which Gnoof repeats.) Good. Now tie this round 
your head. {They both bandage their eyes and proceed 
on tiptoe toivards their respective doors.) 

Gnoof {as Annerly opens the door l.c). Oh, 
Annerly, my dear fellow, if we should fail. Doesn't 
your very soul tremble at the possibility ? 

Annerly {looking back). My dear Gnoof, I think 
I may express myself as quietly confident. 

{He goes off l.c. and Gnoof goes off r. Immediately 
they are off Dora Dneiper rushes out from behind 
the screen, grabs the banknotes which she thrusts into 
her bag and with a mumbled " Where are those four 
coppers ? " extracts four pennies from her bag and 
places them on the side of the table. She then darts 
back behind the screen. Noiv the door l.c. opens 
and Annerly conus in. He has pushed the bandage 
■up from his eyes to the top of his forehead. He tip- 
toes doivn to the table where he stares at (he four pence 
as if he had been stung.) 



•Q" 1!) 

Annerly {beside himself with surprise and disgust). 
Great Scott ! The blessed stuff has gone. Four 
coppers ! What the devil ! 

(The voice of (ixooF /,s heard off r.) 

Gnoof (caHitig). Annerly, Annerly, the sixty 
seconds arc up and I have heard rustlings. 

Annerly {replacing his bandage and going through 
door L.). So have I ! So have I. I think we've 
waited quite long enough. Come along in, Gnoof. 

(Gnoof and Anxkrlv enter from r. and l.c. They 
both go do'u.'n to the table removing their eye-bandages.) 

Gnoof {with a ivild yell of delight). It's gone ! 
It's gone ! The fifty pounds are gone. And look, 
Annerly, my dear, dear fellow, he has honourably left 
us fourpence change. What a triumph ! It is 
wonderful. Epoch making. To think that we are 
in direct monetary communication with the spirit 
world. 

Annerly {who has been peering all round, under the 
table and elsewhere in search for the missing notes). 
Yes, yes, it's certainly very remarkable. In fact it's 
the damned funniest thing I ever struck in my life. 

Gnoof. And this fourpence ! These four bronze 
coins ! They have come from the astral sphere. We 
must have two each, my dear Annerly, and set them 
in gold and diamonds to suspend from oiir watch 
chains. 

Annerly {crossing r.). Oh, I don't uant the 
damned man's coppers. 

Gnoof. And the glorious part of it is, of course, 
that what wo liave done once we can do again. 

Annerly {turning sharply). What's that ? 

Gnoof. I say that there seems no reason why 
there should not be a renewal of our inter-communica- 
tion with the spirit world. 

Annerly. By Jove, yes. That is one redeeming 



20 "Q." 

feature of the situation. You have another fiftjr 
pounds about you, haven't j'ou ? - 

Gnoof. Certainly, my dear fellow. But alas, alas ! 

Annerly. What are you alassing about ? 

Gnoof. How can we dare. We must wait until 
we are asked. Your friend would probabty regard 
it as a liberty and decline to take away money which 
he did not need. We must not pauperize Q. 

Annerly. I wish you wouldn't be so beastly 
squeamish. 

Gnoof. But I ask you, dare we repeat the experi- 
ment if you don't receive a second invitation ? 

Annerly {suddenly becoming transfixed). By Jove, 
Gnoof, there is 0. 

{He points to the hack oj the pit and gazes aivay in the 
distance as if fascinated by a vision.) 

Gnoof {funning from l. to r. and getting beside 
Annerly). Where ? Where ? 

Annerly {in an ecstatic state). Over there. Over 
there by the wall. He is passing through it. 

Gnoof {agonized). Oh where ! I wish I could 
see him. 

Annerly. You've never been introduced so he 
cannot reveal himself to you. 

Gnoof. But surely ^ 

Annerly. Don't talk. The phanogram is com- 
municating with me. He seems to be in distress 
again. Look. He is making signs. (Annerly 
affects to repeat the gestures of the phanogram, putting 
up Jiis ten fingers five times to indicate fifty pounds.) 
He is crossing ! He is crossing ! He has crossed 
the bar ! 

Gnoof. Gone into the bar. 

Annerly. Certainly not. Crossed the bar ! Don't 
you know your Tennyson ? 

Gnoof {beside himself with excitement). But what 
can it mean ? What can it mean ? Show me those 



signs again. (Annerly does so.) How do you 
interpret them ? 

Annkri-V. I suspect, in fact I may say that I am 
confident that O for some reason which we cannot 
fathom, wishes us to leave another fifty pounds for 
him. 

Gnoof. By Jove, I beheve you've hit it. 

Annerly. I think I have. At any rate let us 
try. We can but fail. . . . Now place the notes 
on the table as before. (Gnoof does so.) Let me see. 
We have all the furniture correctly adjusted. It only 
remains for us to perform the psychic exercises, 
put on our eye-bandages and leave the room for 
sixty seconds. 

{He makes similar gestures as before, Gnoof doing 
them conciirretctly. They then tiptoe r. and l.) 

Gnoof {stopping). Annerly, my dear, dear friend, 
I feel sure we shan't succeed again. 

Annerly. You are too modest. All will be 
well as long as you keep your mind so poised as to 
readily offer a mark for any astral disturbance. 

{Exit Gnoof r. Annerly, who is determined this 
lime to see xvhat really does happen to the money, 
pulls off his bandages and waits by the door L.c, 
DoR.\ Dnieper runs out from behind the screen 
and goes down to the table. Annerly hears her and 
comes out just as she grabs the notes.) 

Annerly {hissing under his breath). So it was you, 
you little devil, was it ? How the dickens did you 
get here ? Hand over those notes. 

DoR.\. Not hkely. 

Annerly. Oh yes, you shall, you little thief ! 

DoR.\. That's the put calling the kettle blacky 
isn't it. Jack ? 

Annerly. You're an impudent little hussey. Hand 
over those notes or I'll take them by force. 



22 "Q." 

Dora. If you lay a finger on me I'll give the show 
away to this idiotic friend of yours. 

Annerly {pleadingly). Look here, Dora, I must 
have the money. My sticks'll be chucked into the 
street if I don't pay. You had the first fift}'. Give 
me the second and we"l call it square. 

Dora. I'll make a bargain with you. Listen ! 

Annerly. Look out. Here he comes. 

(Gnoof ent:rs from r. walking elahorately on tip-toe 
ivith his eyes bandaged.) 

Gnoof {in a hushed whisper). I heard voices. 
Are you there, Annerly ? 

Annerly. Yes, Gnoof. Just here. I believe Q 
is still in the room. {He is hustling Dora behind the 
screen.) Perhaps we had better not uncover for the 
moment. 

Gnoof. Certainly not. Let us give the phano- 
gram plenty of scope. 

Annerly {after hiding Dora safely). The sounds are 
gone. I think we may safely uncover. 

(Gnoof snatches off his bandage and gives a ivild yell 
of delight when he sees that the notes are gone.) 

Gnoof. It is wonderful ! Wonderful ! We have 
succeeded again. I must report this extraordnary 
happening to the Society of Psychical Research. 

Annerly. Oh no, no ! You mustn't dream of 
doing such a thing. I am almost certain that it would 
break off our relations with Q. In fact, he as good as 
told me so. There is no harm in telling you now 
that the sounds, you heard to-night were the voices of 
Q and me. O wishes us to gather together all the 
capital that wc can and to send it across to him in crder 
that he may be able to organize a corporate associ- 
ation of phanograms. 

Gnoof. If only it were pos:^ible to-night. But 
alas ! I only had that paltry hundred on me. 



"Q" 23 

Ann'Erly. No. Not to-night. Not on any 
account to-night. O does not wi-^h it, but to-morrow 
night certainly. 

Gnoof. Really. To-morrow night ! 

Annerly. Yes, dear friend. To-morrow night. 
Here arc your slippers {he is showing him off the door l.) 
and mind, bring all the money that you have — but 
no more. 

Gnoof. No more ? 

Annerly. On no account. O is most strict 
about that. No one is to send more money than he 
actually possesses. Good night. 

Gnoof. Good night, my benefactor. 

{Exit Gnoof l.) 

(Dora bursts from behind screen and taking Annerly's 
hands dances round joyfully xvithjiim.) 

CURT.MN. 



JAN2ii 1916 



VIEWS OF THE CRITICS. 

Daily Mail. — Uncommon quality of genuine humour. . . . 

The fun was prodigious. 
Daily Express. — A deliciously funny satire. 
Daily Telegraph. — Successful. . . . Amusing. . . . Must 

be seen. 
Daily Chronicle. — Better than usual. . . . Ingenious. . . . 

You must go to the Coliseum and find out for yourself. 
Evening News. — Complete success. . . . Genuinely 

humorous Most delightful humour. . . . The 

audience was convulsed. 
Town Topics. — That raya avis, a really funny sketch. Kept 

the house delightedly giggling all the tinie. 
Stage. — The most wittily written sketch of the several Mr. 

Hawtrey has given us. 
Queen. — Should prove a big success. 
Sunday Herald. — A delicious farce. . . . Plums of wit. . . . 

Spiritualism is more genially and wittily burlesqued 

than ever before. 
Observer. — Another good thins ! 



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